Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Well Christmas is done and over with, and I for one am so happy. It isn't that I don't love Christmas, because I do. I hate everything that comes along with it. You know like gathering with my family - who I swear are a bunch of redneck hilbillies (Dickie and his family anyway). Then going to my in-laws house, and being the only one with children, and no one else realizing that having 6 children out from home, 4 hours + past their bedtimes, and they are cranky, crying and drop dead tired, but not willing to go to sleep because they are not at home, is not fun for me. And no I will not stay another 2 hours just so that I can be here at midnight, and then be here to open presents, because I am TIRED of fighting with my children to behave. Plus I have 3 hours worth of wrapping to do at home. I think I have decided that until my children are older (meaning when Jolani is 5 or older) then I am not going to be going out on Christmas eve - or if I do, then I will be home no later than 9:30PM because I do not have the patience for that.

That was the short version. Now for the long version - of the day with my family...

My family is spread out over a couple of states, and no one knows when we are all going to be in the same area. Well this Christmas, both of my brothers, and me and my mom were all going to be around (only wish my grandparents could have come up from Florida) so I decided to have Christmas (eve) dinner at my house. Well when the neighbors from hell moved in below, I changed my mind because I didn't want to hear anything from her. So we decided we would all go to Denny's. That way no one has to cook, and it would just be easier. So we get to Denny's at 1PM. My one brother Scott (we call him Dickie) was there with his wife and two children, my mom was there, and we were waiting for Alan and Trish, my other brother and his wife. So we are waiting in line for the workers at Denny's to push the tables together. (18 people - 11 of them children, 6 of those mine), and as we are waiting Dickie says, man I wish I didn't come today. I hate coming across that bridge. I could be at home sitting on the couch eating good food. (he lives on the other side of the bay bridge). I gave him a hug and told him in his ear that if it was that much trouble then he can go home then. Meanwhile, Jacob - his 11 year old is yelling at the waiter who is trying to get the table set - he is telling him to hurry up, can he move a little faster, and does he need him (Jacob) to come and help him because he (Jacob) could do it many times faster than the waiter. Then his mother, Angie joins in, Yeah, we can help you and get it done much faster than you can. WTH?? She is a grown adult, and she is taking cues from hre ignorant 11 year old? Then she turns around and joins in my brother and mine conversation. She said yeah, I could have cooked some good food since I know it would have been to much for you, (Umm, Angie, remember I cancelled having it my house because I have the neighbors from hell?? It has nothing to do with me being able to cook or not). So now we are sitting down and Seth, my almost 5 year old nephew (Dickie and Angie's son) is sitting next to Andre, and he is poking him, and pinching him, and punching him even after Andre told him to stop. So I am keeping an eye on things, and Andre gets fed up with Seth not stopping, so he in turn gives Seth an indian burn. Seth then starts to cry, and both Dickie and Angie jump up and begin to yell at Andre asking him what he did to Seth, and he told him what and why he did it, and they started to yell at him telling him that Seth wouldn't do anything like that. My mom was watching everything too and jumped in and gave them both what for, and Seth too for that matter. She told them that before they start yelling at anyone they should pay more attention to their child, that he is not a perfect little angel, and that he annoys the piss out of everyone, and that is what happens. And if he doesn't like it, then he needs to be taught that when someone tells him to stop, then he needs to stop. We then finsih dinner, and head over to my mom's house to open presents. It was a nice time with the kids enjoying their gifts and what not, until Jacob opens his.

"I don't like this shit. This shit is for babies, and I am not a baby." Then he proceeds to throw it across the floor, stomps around for a couple of minutes, and complains to his mother. then he stomps out and begins to throw rocks at the house to get rid of his anger. Angie then goes to my mother (who gave the "baby" gifts to Jacob) and says, you have to excuse Jacob. He thinks his gifts are for babies because it says not suitable for children under the age of 3. And he is well above 3 years old.

Then I open my gift, and it is 4 or 5 sizes to big (obviously so), and Angie says to me, I know the shirt is probably to small, but I got it at Rose's, and their is no Rose's around here. Well the tag says it is from Lane Bryant, so I can take it back there, but it is actually to big. then she wants to argue with me that is isn't from Lane Bryant. So I just shut up, so I wouldn't end up smacking her.

Where is the dicipline of that child? I will say this, if it was my child first he would know better. I understand if he was not happy with his present, but at some point training takes over, and they know to at least smile and say thank you. But if one of my children did act like this, their would be sore buts, no presents - as I would take the ungrateful childs presents from them and give it to someone who would be grateful to get something - and lots of dry mouths from saying I am sorry and thank you over and over.

But the best part about this is that they then gathered their stuff together and left my mom's early to go to Walmart before it closed to exchange all of the gifts and get something different. then Jacob called my mother and said thank you for buying stuff that cost that amount of money because he was then able to get some other good stuff that he liked instead.

I really wish I could stick my mouth/opinions where it really doesn't belong. It is funny that between me and my two brothers, one has 2 boys, and one has a daughter and 2 boys, then I have 6 children. With my two brothers they have a more traditional family style with the mother and father, and they both take an active part in the family life etc. etc. and their chlidren are rude - well Dickies kids are rude, and don't listen, and Alan's kids, they are good children, but they are let loose to do what they want alot too. Like at my grandfathers birthday party, Alan's kids were licking the icing off the side of the cake. I said something to my brother, and he just turned around and said John, dont like the icing. John went back to licking the icing, and no one said anything more. But my children, the first two I pretty much raised by myself (When I had Andre, I was a single parent - then when Jordan was born, she was only 5 months or so when her father and I got seperated) then when I met my husband, Jordan was 4, and in the 5 years that we have been together he has worked two jobs, and for 10 months of that time he was in Honduras. So in alot of ways, I have been a single mother. Yet my children know better. I don't know.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Free to good home...

Just in time for CHRISTMAS!!!!

Free to good home:

Johan, a cute, loveable almost 2 year old who does not know how to sleep past 6AM, who does not know how to sit still - even if it is for 2 minutes.

When you tell him something, he shakes his head and says un-uh real loud. He likes to push chairs into the kitchen and climb on the counters to open the cans of powdered formula and dump them on the floor.

He knows how to use a hanger as a lethal weapon - just ask Jordan - he doesn't like to wear a wet or poopy diaper, and is very good about taking it off, and if it contains poop, then he will pull that out of the diaper and bring it to you for you to dispose of. He will then try to put the previously poopy diaper back on.

He likes to turn the lights on and off, the tv off if you are watching something good, or if you aren't then he likes to turn it on and the volume all the way up. He also likes to eat non-stop, and go non-stop.

He is a good sleeper once you can get him to sleep (note to self...maybe try nyquil??) and he is easy to take care of. Just leave a cup anywhere within his reach, and the toilet lid open, and he will drink whenever he is thirsty. He can also open the fridge to get out whatever he is in the mood for as well.

He is also extremely good at finding the hidden crisco, baby oil, vaseline, etc. etc. and opening it and smearing it on the tv/on his hair/on his sisters hair/on the tile floor/on the windows.

He is very talented in throwing away anything important... i.e. drivers liscense, the telephone, the cell phone, house keys, car keys, mailbox keys pens and pencils (of course that is after he draws you a priceless picture on the wall - one that covers the entire hallway, living room, bedroom, and bathroom wall)

He loves to come by and give lots of hugs and kisses too!

Also available are 5 other children of various ages:

  • 4 months old (teething baby girl who doesn't like to sleep for anything because her gums hurt)
  • 3 year old who... scratch that - Isa has been pretty good here lately.
  • 3 - almost 4 year old who knows everything, and thanks to school no longer takes naps and is cranky and cries at the drop of the hat and is ready for bed by 5:00PM
  • 9 year old girl who if I didn't know better was already dealing with constant PMS, and who is sure to become a famous actress one day, know especially for the high drama, full of tears at the drop of a hat scenes
  • 11 year old boy who knows it all, and can't be told otherwise. Who has attitude enough for the whole state of New York. Who is so so smart in so many different subjects, but yet is bringing home 4 D's (between 60- 66%) an A in gym, and a B in oragami making.

If you would like more information on any of these children please feel free to call me and leave a message at

1-800-stressed mama

...but wait there is more.

Included in the price of Free to good home is... a 33 yr old husband whose favorite pasttime is getting on my nerves, pointing out everything that I do wrong while neglecting to notice what I do right. He is really good at complaining about everything from the people he works with to the people on the tv. He likes to be fed all hours of the day and night, and doesn't want to be left alone - not even for 10 minutes so one can do something like take a shower, or go to the bathroom. If he is left alone he surely will come looking for you, call you on the cell phone to see what you are doing, how long you are going to be gone and when you are coming back. He is also a little slow as he doesn't understand why one gets irritated and short with him because the mother of the family never has a moments peace from anyone and is about to check into a looney bin. The phrase "being sucked dry" means nothing to any of them...