Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Free to good home...

Just in time for CHRISTMAS!!!!

Free to good home:

Johan, a cute, loveable almost 2 year old who does not know how to sleep past 6AM, who does not know how to sit still - even if it is for 2 minutes.

When you tell him something, he shakes his head and says un-uh real loud. He likes to push chairs into the kitchen and climb on the counters to open the cans of powdered formula and dump them on the floor.

He knows how to use a hanger as a lethal weapon - just ask Jordan - he doesn't like to wear a wet or poopy diaper, and is very good about taking it off, and if it contains poop, then he will pull that out of the diaper and bring it to you for you to dispose of. He will then try to put the previously poopy diaper back on.

He likes to turn the lights on and off, the tv off if you are watching something good, or if you aren't then he likes to turn it on and the volume all the way up. He also likes to eat non-stop, and go non-stop.

He is a good sleeper once you can get him to sleep (note to self...maybe try nyquil??) and he is easy to take care of. Just leave a cup anywhere within his reach, and the toilet lid open, and he will drink whenever he is thirsty. He can also open the fridge to get out whatever he is in the mood for as well.

He is also extremely good at finding the hidden crisco, baby oil, vaseline, etc. etc. and opening it and smearing it on the tv/on his hair/on his sisters hair/on the tile floor/on the windows.

He is very talented in throwing away anything important... i.e. drivers liscense, the telephone, the cell phone, house keys, car keys, mailbox keys pens and pencils (of course that is after he draws you a priceless picture on the wall - one that covers the entire hallway, living room, bedroom, and bathroom wall)

He loves to come by and give lots of hugs and kisses too!

Also available are 5 other children of various ages:

  • 4 months old (teething baby girl who doesn't like to sleep for anything because her gums hurt)
  • 3 year old who... scratch that - Isa has been pretty good here lately.
  • 3 - almost 4 year old who knows everything, and thanks to school no longer takes naps and is cranky and cries at the drop of the hat and is ready for bed by 5:00PM
  • 9 year old girl who if I didn't know better was already dealing with constant PMS, and who is sure to become a famous actress one day, know especially for the high drama, full of tears at the drop of a hat scenes
  • 11 year old boy who knows it all, and can't be told otherwise. Who has attitude enough for the whole state of New York. Who is so so smart in so many different subjects, but yet is bringing home 4 D's (between 60- 66%) an A in gym, and a B in oragami making.

If you would like more information on any of these children please feel free to call me and leave a message at

1-800-stressed mama

...but wait there is more.

Included in the price of Free to good home is... a 33 yr old husband whose favorite pasttime is getting on my nerves, pointing out everything that I do wrong while neglecting to notice what I do right. He is really good at complaining about everything from the people he works with to the people on the tv. He likes to be fed all hours of the day and night, and doesn't want to be left alone - not even for 10 minutes so one can do something like take a shower, or go to the bathroom. If he is left alone he surely will come looking for you, call you on the cell phone to see what you are doing, how long you are going to be gone and when you are coming back. He is also a little slow as he doesn't understand why one gets irritated and short with him because the mother of the family never has a moments peace from anyone and is about to check into a looney bin. The phrase "being sucked dry" means nothing to any of them...

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