When love isnt enough

Alot of people think that when they are planning on moving with (or following) their spouse that everything will work out fine with little to no problems. They figure that there love is enough to get you through the bad times. That's what today's post is about.

I was not naive enough to think that in moving to Honduras, that life would be all sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. I knew that there would be some major adjustments - I just was surprised at what we had to adjust to. Its nice to think that love is all you need. It would be nice if love would be enough to get you through the adjustments that are going to happen. Unfortunately, it isn't that easy.

Alot of people come to Honduras thinking that yes they will have to adjust to a new life, but that adjustment will be easy, and in the parts that aren't easy, well the spouse is there to help make things easier. The problem is, alot of time the spouse is adjusting to home again as well. Adjusting to the difference of reality, and what they remembered home to be. Some things are second nature for the native spouse, and they forget that the other spouse has no clue what to do, or what they are talking about. That becomes frustrating after a while - for both people.

In moving to another country, you are moving to another culture. Even if you think things aren't going to change - maybe your spouse is one way in the US, so you expect them to stay that way once they are home - they always do. Maybe not a huge change, but going home will change a person. They feel more comfortable in there own hogar (home), and they will change. Alot of times there is frustration at how there home land has changed, and how corrupt it is - and how people are content to just let the corruption go by without doing something about it. And they have no way to deal with that frustration, and that will change a person - decepcionado. (disappointed). These are things that people don't think about. Or they may think about it, but they don't realize how they impact a relationship.

When you are in a relationship, sometimes you take your frustration out on your husband/wife because they are there. And when your husband/wife feels frustrated because they see how people are content to deal with corruption, they have no way to deal with that frustration and it can eat away at a relationship.

Money problems also can affect a marriage. Here in the US there are money problems, but in Honduras they are magnified. While the dollar will go farther than a Lempira, alot of times you are not living on a dollar salary. You may be living on a better scale than alot of those around you (everyones situation is different) but alot of couples are still struggling. And struggling in Honduras is way different than struggling in the US. Added to the fact that usually it is a Honduran man and a gringa (or other nationality), and the man feels responsible for the family and sees that life is different in Honduras, and will think how much better life could be - material wise - in the US, and that thinking will add to the frustration.

So you see, there are a lot of things that aren't such a big deal, but when they are all put together they add up. The bickering can break down the communication between a couple, and if it isn't dealt with, it can cause problems. Unfortunately, due to many different issues, it isn't dealt with. I don't know the exact statistics, but I do know that there are many couples that come here with stars in there eyes, and in the end, the marriage fails. Or they end up moving back to the US a little more jaded. It takes a lot of hard work to get past it.

I don't always say something about this to people who are moving because it usually doesn't make a difference. Those people will say (to themselves - and sometimes out loud) well our love is strong enough. We can get through it, no problem. And no amount of me (or anyone else) saying that its hard will make a difference. Most people have to see for themselves. I pray for each couple that moves here because I know how hard it is, and how at times it is easier to say to yourself - is it worth it? Did I move thousands of miles, just to watch my marriage end. Is it easier to just say good-bye? I pray for there safety, there understanding - with each other, and with the surroundings, and with everything that is going on. I pray that they have patience with each other, and pray that they can make it past the adjustment period with there marriage intact and stronger than it was before they moved down here. And I pray that they don't become a statistic.