I Keep On Loving You

I was flipping through the radio stations and came across this song. As I was driving to my doctors appointment, I listened to the lyrics and really, truer words were never spoken. Love DOES take the patience of Job, sometimes you DO have to go, without really knowing where you are going. And it all comes down to Faith.

I Keep On Loving You - By Reba McEntire

Love takes the patience of Job.

Thats what my mama always said.

Faith is the belief in something more than you know.

Thats what the good book says.

You gotta play the cards you got.

Who knows what fate is holding.

At times you gotta go.

Without knowing where you're going.

Thats why I keep on lovin' you. I keep on lovin' you.

Through the baby-don't-leave-mes,

And never-will-agains

And I-promise-tos.

I keep on lovin' you.

Lord knows we've had our share of fights.

Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs.

We've had plenty and then some

Of baby-I'm-gone and turnarounds.

Sometimes I swear it might be easier

To throw in the towel.

Someday we're gonna look back,

And say look at us now.

Thats why I keep on lovin' you. I keep on lovin' you.

Through the baby-don't-leave-me's

And never-will-agains

And I-promise-to's. I keep on lovin' you.

I keep on lovin' you, keep on lovin' you.

Through the I-take-it-backs

I-don't-mean-it-like-thats

I's-never-hurt-you's. Oh I keep on lovin' you.

(repeat last 2 verses 2x)

Silver Lining

I believe in silver linings. I believe that there is a reason for everything - even when I do not see any obvious reason why things happen the way they do, eventually - sometimes years later - the reason shows itself. God lets me see his plan, and why things happen the way that they do on His own time.

For instance, the car accident. I am so grateful that my husband and his friend who was in the car with him both survived, and while there is still a tiny bit of residual damage with my husband, both guys are pretty much back to 100%. The accident and almost dying however has changed my husband. He has become a bit more patient, he has decided to become more thankful for things he has. He has gone back to church, and when he gets frustrated, he now works on his mood a bit more, and talks things out more, instead of causing an arguement taking it out on whoever is around (me! LOL)

As you all know, I am here to work to pay off the debt. Well we owe (after interest) almost $14500 to three different people. Well I set up a payment plan for the $10500 that we owe the one person, so thats one weight lifted off my shoulders. So that leaves around $4000 left to pay right now. So I am working and sending money - money for the day to day living of the family, and money that should be going towards the debt. Except that things KEEP coming up, and nothing is being paid on the debt. The stuff that keeps coming up is unplanned, but stuff that HAS to be taken care of. For instance, the tires blow out on the car, well they have to be replaced because we need the car. The kids have to get to school. Everytime there is a bit of extra money, something seems to pop up - its the same thing that happened when I was down there. It gets frustrating, no doubt. And even more so because you have a plan, and the plan just goes to pot. But this is where faith comes into play. I have faith that God knows what he is doing. He doesnt need my help in figuring out my life. He knows when and how and from where the money is going to come from, and I just have to have faith and keep on keeping on.

Sometimes it makes me wonder though, if the money that I am making here isnt going towards the debt, what am I doing here then. Is it necesary to be away from my husband and my kids for so long? What are we gaining with me being here? You have to step back and take a good look at what else is going on. Look for the good in any and all situations. It makes life easier.

So here is what I am seeing as my silver lining...

• My husband has to take care of all 9 kids by himself, run the household, learn how to budget the money, do the monthly grocery shoping and everything else that I do. I have received many phone calls and texts that basically say how do I do it all, and keep all the numbers of everything (prices for each thing I buy, amount, where its located, what stores have what items cheaper, how long everything should last, who likes what brand of each item, and so on and so forth) and everything else in my head. He has begun to appreciate me and sees that while he used to think that I didnt do much at home, he now sees that I did do alot. I kept the household running pretty smooth, and made it look effortless, or at least semi effortless, LOL. He also sees how not so easy it is to deal with 9 children talking to you - or to eachother - for that matter all at once, while asking for dinner, and everything else. When they arent talking to you, you can block them out (like when I was there, and they were talking to me, even though they were at a low roar, he was able to block them out. Not anymore)
• My husband sees how much I mean to him. Let me come clean about something. This past year, him and I had a lot of problems. There were a few times when I thought to myself, Im done. Thats it. But then things would be better for a couple of days, and I would get my hopes up, and then we would have a blow up again. When I came up here in January to do my taxes, I came with the intention of using the time away from him to try to decide what exactly it is that I wanted to do in regards to our relationship. Did I want to give it up, or stick around. *silver lining of the accident* I realized that I want to stick around. My marriage to this man is that important to me that I will continue to fight for it. We are working through alot of our problems, and thanks to the accident, he understands what he has to do to help me work through my problems with us.
• My children - I see how strong they are. I see how much of a good job I have done so far with them. While they do not like the fact that I am here alone, they understand it. They know that it is what is best for our family. They have come together - even the little ones - and are working together, and leaning on eachother, and comforting one another when they need me, and cant get in touch with me.
• This seperation gives me time to work on myself. Here lately I have lost who I am. I have been mom, and wife, but havent been Jennifer. I give myself to everyone else and do not do anything for me. I take care of everyone else, but not myself. Hence why my health is going to pot. So I am taking this time to do what *I* want to do for myself. I now paint my toenails, I take time to read books (although I need to start going to the library instead of the book section at Walmart - its cheaper), I colored my hair, I have the urge to actually go somewhere and get an actual styled cut done to it. if you know me, thats HUGE. Because my hair style is usually ponytail. Well it still is, but I want an actual style as well. I even bought make up. Who knew, I have a secret girly girl tucked away somewhere.
• In me working on who I am, I am becoming a stronger person. In so many ways I am a strong person. At least thats what Im told. When people hear about things that I have had to deal with, and there are many things that are not posted on here, and they always tell me that I am strong. I dont see it. Honestly, I see what I do as just that, something that I do. Its what has to be done in the moment, so its done. No big deal. But back to me becoming a stronger person. I have alot of things that I keep buried and dont deal with from way back when, and it affects me now. And now I am dealing with them.
• I see things much more clear now that I am away from the situation. I can see how I contributed to many of my problems. I mean I am not so naieve to think that I had no part in my problems, but being able to step back, and also seeing how other people interact with eachother, I can see myself and things that I have done to cause many of the problems. And I can see my reasons for acting/reacting the way that I do, and see how it has everything to do with things that I havent dealt with.

There are so many more silver linings, but those are some of the first ones that come to mind. Are you having a hard time right now? Take a look around, take a step back and look at the situation from a distance. What are your silver linings?

More Additions...

To the house that is, not to the family, LOL. I took care of that after Ari, remember? (speaking of Ari, last week she started walking on her own - real steps. Before that she prefered to push the little plastic coffee table because she could literally run after the bigger kids, and almost keep up. Where as her half inch steps she was taking wasnt helping her at all. But I have been told that she is now walking everywhere. I love it, but its sad too, because she is the baby, the last one, and I am missing her milestones. But its ok)

Anyways, last year we started to add on to the house. Before we did anything, when you walked into the house, you walked into a combination living room/dining room. The only problem is that because we are such a big family, we need a big table. Which means we need space for a big table, and in our living room, there just inst enough room for a table that can seat 12, and sofas for all of us too. So we came up with the plan to enclose the front porch and semi knock out the front wall to make the front porch the licing room, then the now living room would become the dining room. After much discussion, we decided to not just eclose the porch, but extend it all the way across the front of the house to make a living room that is BIG enough for ALL of us, and we wouldnt feel packed on top of eachother. And there would be space for an 'office' for me. Which would consist of a desk and some storage of some sort, LOL.

I posted some pictures in January of what we had started, and it sat like that for a while. Then in early March, I decided that I wanted my living room done - completed - by my birthday, which was April 25th. So my husband went to work, with the promise that it would be done by my birthday.

Place the mouse over the picture for my comments. I didnt get to take more pictures as they did more work, but Miss Patty came for dinner on my birthday and she can vouch for the fact that it was not done, LOL. I knew it wouldnt be, but I held out some hope that maybe I would be suprised.

The walls are basically done, although they need to have the two different cement coats on them, and the two windows need actual windows put in them. The half wall needs to be knocked down, and the half of the addition with no floor needs the floor to be done. Other than that its pretty much done. Oh wait - the roof. Thats the hold up. We cant agree on how/what to do with the roof. I just want him to put one on that goes with the rest of the house. Lale however has this idea about putting a small porch on top of the addition part of the living room, with a wooden floor and railing. Um, I can't see it. What I am seeing in my head when he describes it looks stupid. But I dont tell him that because 1) it isnt nice, and my mom and grandmother always told me if I dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all (which is something I really need to work on I think) and 2) sometimes its just the whole lost in translation thing, and maybe it will look ok. So I just say ok honey, do what you think would look good, and just leave the paint color choosing, and decorating and everything else to me. The promise was made that it would be COMPLETE before I got back, but well, I somehow dont think it will be done. A couple of days before I left he started two sinks. One in each bathroom. We have regular sinks on the wall, but because we have little kids, they pull on the sinks while washing their hands, etc. etc. and end up pulling the sinks off the wall, breaking the sinks, and doing all sorts of things to the poor sinks. So we took them off the way, and he has made a cement/block mini pila style sink in each bathroom. When I left neither one was finished either. From what I have heard he finished one of them, and it has been halfway tiled. But I dont have actual proof of that, LOL.

CLARO Que Si? CLARO que NO!!

This is a long post, and I have left out a bunch of the story in effort to keep it semi short. Ha. short.

I know that I have mentioned, ok complained, about being out of touch with the world in the part of Honduras where we live. There is no TV, no cable, no land line telephones, no cell phone signals, nothing. And while its nice to not have to worry about whats on TV, getting hooked on a show, etc. etc. its also nice to have a choice. Because let me tell you, it doesnt matter if you have 4 or 400 or more than 400 DVD's, they get old. Quick. Trust me, I speak from experience.

So last year I was driving around Tocoa, and was so excited to see a SKY cable office, that I pulled right in. I got out, talked to the guy and picked up some paperwork. I so wanted to sign up then and there, but the price was high. $75ish/month plus either buying the dish and boxes at a almost $600, or renting them each month. So I went home talked to Lale, and said while I was in the US in January I would see if I couldn't figure out how to make it work.

I was talking to Patty, and she told me about Claro's satelite, and that they had signed up for it. The price was half that of SKY, and they had the basic set up of channels that we wanted, so I decided that when I got back to Honduras I would check into it.

So after I got back to Honduras, got everything straightened out with the kids - uniforms bought, got them re-enrolled in school etc. etc. I took a day and went to the Claro office. That is when the fun began. The first trip to the office was in February. February 12th to be exact. I went in and there were two people in the office. A lady, and a guy. I got to deal with the lady. So I explained to her what I wanted, made sure that if for some reason there was no signal where we live, I would not be held accountable for a contract/payment for two years (I mean we are in Honduras after all) we started the paperwork. Now this woman wasn't pleasant, but I didnt say anything. Sometimes people have a bad day. When it came time for me to show my ID, I pulled out my passport and thats when she said that I needed to put it in someones elses name. I understood, since I dont have my residency papers yet, it was no biggie. So we stopped the paperwork, and I left. I went home and talked to Lale, and explained it all to him. So the next Wednesday, February 20th he went back with me and we signed up. However, this woman was still in her pissy mood, and started to get an attitude with me. Then she got to deal with Lale. Who also got in his pissy mood. I just sat back and shut up. I couldnt believe this woman, and everything that she was saying and doing. Not so much what, but how. This is a person who shouldn't be in customer service. At all.

Anyways, we finally got everything taken care of, and now all we had to do was wait for the installation. So we waited. And waited. Finally on Wednesday March 31st, Claro came. The installed the dish, the box and everything, got the tv on and I realized that we just have the basic channels. And we had originally signed up for the Total Package. Which comes with all of the channels. I mentioned it to the guy and he said we would hve to either call or go to the office in Tocoa, but we would have to wait until Tuesday since it is Semana Santa. (Holy Week). Ok, no biggie. So come Tuesday, I went down to the office and walked in and told the lady what was going on. In her most uppitiest voice she proceeded to tell me that she can't help me. I would have to call the customer service number. Ok, can you give it to me please. *SIGH* 2.....5, um, what? 2......5. Ok, mam, you need to really slow down just a bit while saying the numbers. *SIGH* 2054545. Ok, thank you.

So out to the car I go, sit down and call the customer service line. I get a lady on the hone and explain what is going on. Except she can't help me. Why? Because its in my husbands name. And even though I have all of his information to verify that I am part of the account, no dice. Plus she said, usually they dont fix this stuff on the phone, they do it in the office. Ugh.

I go home, talk to Lale, who luckily wasn't up the mountain that day. He agrees to go down the mountain with me to pick up the kids to get this worked out. So we are on our way back to Tocoa and he calls. He speaks to the same lady, tells her that I called, that I am allowed to speak for him about the account blah blah blah, then she says well the computers are down. Can you call back at x time. Geesh. Ok, so now its later in the day, and we make the phone call. They are asking him the security questions, he in turn is asking me what the answers are to the security questions, then repeating them back to the new person on the phone. (see CLARO, it would have been much simpler just to talk to me.) Ok, all is in order, we will get that fixed for you today and they hung up.

We go home, and YAY we have more channels. BOO, not all of them though. We have gone from the basic channels to the avanced package. But still no HBO or anything else. So the next day, I call back again, and get the original lady that we were speaking with. So I can't pretend to be my husband. She knows I am allowed to speak on his behalf, but wont do any changes. She sees where we were upgraded to the advanced and knows we want the total package. BUT SHE MUST SPEAK WITH HIM. I explained to her that where we live there is no cell phone signal, blah blah blah, that he works up the mountain, leaving at 4AM and sometimes not getting back home until after 5PM and she said well when he comes home for lunch why dont you come down the mountain and call. AARRGG. 20 minutes and all of my cell phone minutes trying to explain to his woman why it is impossible to get in touch with my husband on most days. We finally ended the call with her saying she will call him on his cell when she finds out whats going on. Um yeah, ok. good luck with that. Lale was going to go to Claro that weekend and try to see if he couldnt figure it out, but because I got into a car accident on that Friday, the car was unusable for a little over a week. So finally come the 19th, Lale and I go back to the office. I walk in, the lady says to me, What do you want, and I said, I want to deal with him, pointing to the other guy. He asked what was up, I explained the issue, he walks over to the computer, types in something, and says ok. You are all set. It will be there within 24 hours.

He then reminds me that we have to pay the cable bill for a year, which is no problem. Except they dont want to take my money. The first day I went to the office after installation, I tried to pay. Nope, no dice. You need a bill, and the computer hasn't generated one yet. Two other times I tried to pay, and same thing. So as soon as he said something Lale and I went over to where you pay the bill, and nope, no dice. No bill has been generated yet. Ok, whatever.

Now, here I am in the US, and Lale goes by to see if the bill has been generated yet, so that he can pay it. And they told him he had to pay it by May 18th. So he goes in, and tries to pay it. He is told he can't pay until a bill is generated. Except that the bill wont be generated until he pays. Umm, ok. So what is he supposed to do? Well just pay L9000 they told him, and it will all work out.

Thank GOD he called me, because 8 months * 729L/month does not come to L9000. Plus they were charging an installation fee AND the first months bill. We have a paper that says installation fee free, and first month free. So the next day he went back to pay it, (only what we owe) and to show them the paper. Well according to the lovely lady, that paper was for a special from 2009. Except the paper doesnt say to end x date, or only good till... AND they are still handing it out as of today. So he pitched a fit, and fought with the woman and they took off the installation fee and one months fee, the bill is paid through this year and all is good.

Except now they took away his HBO and other channels and he is back to the basic package. He called me today to tell me that. All I said was, I dont know what to tell you hun, you figure it out.

Ugh, I wish I could have afforded Sky.