Was it/Is it worth it?

Since I have been back, I have been asked in different forms, was it worth it for me to have gone to Honduras. The obvious answer is yes it was - and since I am going back, it still is worth it. It irritates me somewhat though, when I tell people yes it was worth it, that they don't believe me. Oh you are just saying that so that you dont have to admit defeat. And that isn't it at all. There was a big adjustment period that we all had to go through, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that bad. It could have been alot worse.

I still get the whole what are you doing to your children line of questioning, and then I get an attitude when I give them an honest answer. I am giving my children a chance at a family. Me being here in the US, along with the kids, and my husband in Honduras - what kind of family life is that? I know that there are people who are living this way right now, and it is so hard, and it certainly isn't a long term solution. I am also giving my children a chance to see how other people live. I am a big believer that traveling, and experiencing other countries is a HUGE educational experience. While they are being homeschooled (I love SONLIGHT), they are also going to a (private) Honduran school. Why both you ask. I think that even though the Honduran school is below US educational standards, it is a way to re-inforce spanish in a way that I cannot. My children can learn to speak it with the correct grammar, as well as write it and read it. Next year Andre will begin his career classes in his school. He is at an age that come next school year he can choose a career and they will begin to teach him that. He is looking into Auto Mechanics right now, but he has a whole year to decide. Again, learning a trade while in Honduras could help him when he comes back to the US for college. He will have some education in a trade where he can work while going to college. (unfortunately he wants to learn Marine Biology - and that just isnt a career that they teach in the Honduran high school system, LOL).

Everytime someone asks me if it was worth it, I sit back and I think about the 8 months that I was there. Even with all the issues that we had to deal with - and there were alot - alot more than I have posted on here - and each and everytime the answer is yes.

I love to hear the little ones speak spanish now. I love how to them (and to me - because if you are going to move to Honduras you HAVE to be able to look at things this way) that everything is an Adventure. A month with no running water, no problem. It is raining hard enough that we can all take a shower out back. Lather up, and let the rain do the rinsing. Or the creek is right up the street - perfect place to take a bath. We need to wash the dishes? Load them up in a bucket, and haul it up to the creek to wash. Kids adapt to just about everything, and mine are no exception. And I am proof that adults too can adapt.

Growing up anytime my mom asked for help in her garden, I always told my mother that my hands were not made to touch dirt. Flowers are pretty and nice and all, but I am not a garden person. However I now have a notebook filled with plans for garden when I get back. Granted its for a vegitable garden to help cut down on our food costs, and to help up the amount and varieties of veggies we eat, but it is still a garden. I am nervous to begin this garden because I have no clue what I am doing, but again - everything is an adventure. I hope to get my kids involved with it so that they can learn how to garden and can teach there friends and others.

This move has changed me in so many ways. It has made me think about so many different things. But more importantly, I found my home. A place where I feel at ease, where I feel content. And it actually has nothing to do with my husband being there. There was a time when we were first adjusting to everything, we had some major issues, and there were days that I asked myself did I move thousands of miles just to end up thinking of divorce. And I did some major thinking about if my husband and I were to seperate, and the one thing that was clear was I was at home. Even if we did seperate, or something like that, I would not leave Honduras. I would not leave my home.

I still feel that way - not about leaving my husband, we worked through our issues, LOL - but about Honduras being my home. I know my mother is here, and my brothers (ok my sisters too - but they don't count since they dont talk to me) and my extended family are here. I also know that this is where I was born and raised. Laurel is my hometown, but it isn't my home. I don't feel comfortable here anymore. I don't feel at ease anymore. I feel like a visitor, and that is what I am. I just want to go home.

I asked the little ones still in Honduras (Mickey, Isa, Johan, and Lana) if they wanted to come to America, or stay in Honduras and this is what they said -

• Mickey said that she wanted to stay in Honduras but she wanted to have someone she knows stay in America so that they can send stuff she wants in the mail. Especially macaroni and cheese, and chocolate cupcakes and play food and dress up clothes.
• Isa said she wants to stay in Honduras but she wants (these) special cupcakes from America.
• Johan said he wants to ride in the airplane again but still stay in Honduras. (guess he just wants to fly from La Ceiba to San Pedro to Tegucigalpa then back again??)
• Lana - she didn't answer my question, she just kept telling me that she wasn't done talking to me yet, LOL.

I then asked the older two about going back to Honduras, and suprise suprise,

• Jordan said she is ready to go back. I thought for sure she was going to say she wasn't ready yet. She hates to say good-bye to her friends (dont we all?) but she misses her life in Honduras she said. Which really and honestly suprised me. I thought for sure she would have said no she wasnt ready. But I do know she misses her brothers and sisters in Honduras. I also know she wishes that she hadn't left early to spend that extra time up here with her father. (She wasn't supposed to come to the US to visit her dad until November, but he was in Guatemala in August and asked if he could take her for those extra 3 months since she wasn't in school down there yet, and I said yes. So instead of being with him from Nov. - Jan, she was with him from August to January. Before this she has never been away from me for that long, and that far. It was VERY rough on her, and very hard. It also wont happen again.)
• Andre is ready to go back, but he wants to wait another month so that he can finish out the school year. The school has accelerated his classes so that he can complete his school year before we leave, but he will be missing out on a couple of fun field trips and a dance. And he has to say good-bye to Madison, his 'giiiiiirl-friend'. (oh how I love to give him a hard time about having a girlfriend) Sadly though, I cannot wait until the end of the school year. We bought the tickets in January for May 5th - and at the time that I bought the tickets he was not going to be going back with me, but staying with my mom for another school year. But things change, and he is going back with us. He keeps talking about all the fishing he is going to do, and his machete's and bike and how he will get to see Pedro again and so much other stuff. So he is excited too.

My mom is even going back with me for 10 days. When she comes back, she can maybe post a guest blog about her experiences and what she thought about our life. (she will be back on her birthday. Poor mom, saying good-bye to all the grandkids and spending the day flying, and then landing at 2AM on your birthday. Having to spend your birthday recovering from vacation)