Ready to go already

pictures of the streets of Tocoa that I found here

The end is so close, I can taste it. At this point, I feel like saying, screw it all, I am going and thats it. it seems the closer to moving day gets, the slower the time passes, and the more impatient I get. Unless someone says somethign to me about sharing a container, I am selling everything and going from there. Only what can fit in the van is what is going down. I am not going to stress myself out any more than I need to. So it looks like the van, the crib, tv, computer and thats about it. Some stuff is going to be sent down in boxes ahead of time. Clothes and what not. But thats it. I don't care anymore. I just want to be there already.

I want the warm weather, and pray that it helps my arthritis. I have arthritis in my right hand - and yes I am right handed. I already had a joint replacement surgery a little over a year ago, in my right hand, and now a different joint is swollen and stiff and hurts. My left foot for once has been ok. The medicine has been doing its job in keeping it pain free. It is a little bit swollen, but there is no pain, and thats what matters to me. And now my neck is bothering me. I have arthritis in my neck. That is something new. In the cold, my neck hurts, I hurt when I wake up, I hurt when I forget that it is stiff and try to turn my head to look at something. I just hurt. If feels like I slept on it wrong, but the stiffness and pain wont go away. So I need to see if my doctor will be willing to change up my prescriptions, or if I need a stronger dose or what.

I have gotten emails, and phone calls and lectures from people who know me, as well as those who don't.

I am tired of hearing everyones thoughts on me going to Honduras. I understand and appreciate that they are worried, and that they want the best for me and my children. But they don't understand that I want the same thing. I want what is best for my children. I don't talk about my worries much, as I am one who prefers to talk about good things, and I internalize my worries. That doesn't mean I don't think of them. I know that the schooling in Honduras is way way behind the schooling in US. I understand that the whole culture in general is different. I understand that I have to keep a close watch on my children. I do that now, so you can believe that when we are in a different place, with new people, and a different culture for girls, and things along that line, that my kids will be right there with me. They will be allowed to go out and play and what not, but they are not going to be out running the streets.

I am doing what I feel is the best for my children. I want them to experience different cultures, I want them to see with their own eyes that money and THINGS aren't everything. We will be living on alot of land, with animals, and it is going to be a busy farm life. They will be working hard, (learning work ethic) and learning alot. All of this is important to me. One of the MAIN reasons that we are going right now is because that is where my husband, their dad is. My children deserve to grow up with their mother and father there. Andre's biological father wants nothing to do with him - he hasnt seen him (other than when we went for the DNA test for child support) since Andre was 6 months old. He is now 12. Jordan's father loves her and wants to spend time with her. All of this happened within the 18 months or so. Before that, while he loved his daughter, he put drinking and his friends above everything and everyone else. My husband has been there for 7 years. A little over half of Andre's life, most of Jordan's life, and all of the other ones lives. He WANTS to be in their lives, and he worries about them. Thats what my children deserve.