Thursday, January 17, 2008

Ready to go already

pictures of the streets of Tocoa that I found here

The end is so close, I can taste it. At this point, I feel like saying, screw it all, I am going and thats it. it seems the closer to moving day gets, the slower the time passes, and the more impatient I get. Unless someone says somethign to me about sharing a container, I am selling everything and going from there. Only what can fit in the van is what is going down. I am not going to stress myself out any more than I need to. So it looks like the van, the crib, tv, computer and thats about it. Some stuff is going to be sent down in boxes ahead of time. Clothes and what not. But thats it. I don't care anymore. I just want to be there already.

I want the warm weather, and pray that it helps my arthritis. I have arthritis in my right hand - and yes I am right handed. I already had a joint replacement surgery a little over a year ago, in my right hand, and now a different joint is swollen and stiff and hurts. My left foot for once has been ok. The medicine has been doing its job in keeping it pain free. It is a little bit swollen, but there is no pain, and thats what matters to me. And now my neck is bothering me. I have arthritis in my neck. That is something new. In the cold, my neck hurts, I hurt when I wake up, I hurt when I forget that it is stiff and try to turn my head to look at something. I just hurt. If feels like I slept on it wrong, but the stiffness and pain wont go away. So I need to see if my doctor will be willing to change up my prescriptions, or if I need a stronger dose or what.

I have gotten emails, and phone calls and lectures from people who know me, as well as those who don't.

I am tired of hearing everyones thoughts on me going to Honduras. I understand and appreciate that they are worried, and that they want the best for me and my children. But they don't understand that I want the same thing. I want what is best for my children. I don't talk about my worries much, as I am one who prefers to talk about good things, and I internalize my worries. That doesn't mean I don't think of them. I know that the schooling in Honduras is way way behind the schooling in US. I understand that the whole culture in general is different. I understand that I have to keep a close watch on my children. I do that now, so you can believe that when we are in a different place, with new people, and a different culture for girls, and things along that line, that my kids will be right there with me. They will be allowed to go out and play and what not, but they are not going to be out running the streets.

I am doing what I feel is the best for my children. I want them to experience different cultures, I want them to see with their own eyes that money and THINGS aren't everything. We will be living on alot of land, with animals, and it is going to be a busy farm life. They will be working hard, (learning work ethic) and learning alot. All of this is important to me. One of the MAIN reasons that we are going right now is because that is where my husband, their dad is. My children deserve to grow up with their mother and father there. Andre's biological father wants nothing to do with him - he hasnt seen him (other than when we went for the DNA test for child support) since Andre was 6 months old. He is now 12. Jordan's father loves her and wants to spend time with her. All of this happened within the 18 months or so. Before that, while he loved his daughter, he put drinking and his friends above everything and everyone else. My husband has been there for 7 years. A little over half of Andre's life, most of Jordan's life, and all of the other ones lives. He WANTS to be in their lives, and he worries about them. Thats what my children deserve.


Jennie B said...

Family and friends are always going to worry, you just have to deal with that, unfortunately, but I think you know what is best and what you are doing. So keep your chin up! Honduras is going to be a grand adventure and your family is going to have a ball!

Anonymous said...

Do what your heart tells you. You have your own family to worry about...and they deserve to be with there dad....and you deserve to be with your man!!!!! I get the same things when we mention moving to Puerto Rico (which we are just talking about now) .....people are always going to worry and have their opinions.....but you are the mommy and mommy knows best!

My3Ro's said...

You need to follow your heart. Screw the rest of them Your babies need their daddy and you need your hubby. The most important thing in life is not the things you have but who you have in your life. Good,luck hon you know what is best for you guys.

onthegomom said...

You need to do what is best for YOU and YOUR family, period. Do not listen to others and you follow your heart and what is right for you and your husband. No one can know what is right for another family or person.

I wish you the very best luck in your new adventure and bringing your family together once again!

discovering me said...

Everyone is right you need to do what is best for you and your family. I am sorry if my email upset you. My hubby has family down there, we plan on going down once our 2 kids are grown( 10 more years), but I know you will do great down there, you are very well prepared, and if you need any advice from someone who has lived there please let me know.

Momto3LittleFlowers said...

Nobody knows how your life will be there, not even you. Why can people let you try for yourself?? My mother in law got so depressed when we told her that we were moving to DR that she ended up ih the Hospital. Nobody knew why we were moving here, but we didnt listen to anybody. I just blogged about this last Sunday, check it out.

Maria said...

Wow what an interesting blog. You have such a story to tell. I will definitely be back.

Damama T said...

I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe and doing what you feel is best for your family. If we listen, God tells each of us what he wants from us. It's the voice of the world that drowns Him out. Keep listening and He will guide you.

My only concern for you is that you say you internalize a lot of your fears and concerns. Please don't do that. They will come out somehow, usually in the form of some type of body pain. Your arthritis could be aggrivated by this internalized stress. So TALK ABOUT IT! Putting on a happy face is only good for you if it's really a happy face. Otherwise, it's just a very dangerous, self-harming lie.

OOPS - Dang soapbox just keeps getting under my feet. Stepping off now.

Sweet dreams.

Heather said...

Girl I feel the same way as you. i dont want my kids being raised in the states, (actually they have only been here 3 months so far, lol) their whole lives. The states has lots to offer but you have to know what else there is out there. You are giving your kids the greatest gift ever, remember that!!!

Honduras Sprout said...

I remember having very similar feelings and experiences with other peoples opinions about our move to Honduras. Sometimes their lack of words or the look on their face says a lot too.

Like the others said, you do what you have to for the family. I particularly find what damama t said about internalizing things manifesting physically interesting. oh, and I also read that vegetable oil causes inflammation and has shown to be a problem with arthritis patients. Maybe do a little research on that. But I also hope that the weather will be easier on your joints, etc. That's gotta be hard to live with that pain.

Everyday I start again and have surreal moments that I'm in Honduras. I think, "how in the heck did I end up here?". But now that it seems that the people that had all the questions and concerns seem to have calmed down now that they can see us actually living here.

My sister told me a long time ago that I have to try this out. She told me it was breaking her heart for me to leave, but she knew I had to give this a shot or I would always wonder how it might have been. She was right and it helped me tremendously to have her support.

Before you know it you will be here and your life in the states will seem like a past dream you had.

Karen said...

When you get a date you'll have to post it. Then start a countdown. That would be fun.

I got the FUN, FUN, FUN package in the mail over the weekend. Thank you so much! I think I'll clip a piece or two to always keep to think of you. I almost envy the move.

Andrea said...

I got a lot of slack from people when I moved accross the country to Louisiana. It is like a different country here. LOL!!
But you have family there and your husband is there and you have a house there, and what other reasons do you need!! You Go Girl!! Your children will be able to grow up with family and be able to learn about their great culture!! I love it!! What a wonderful adventure!!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

My goodness, how can people be questioning you? Your husband and the children's father (or most of the children) is down there. What else is there to consider?

Are they going to school there or are you going to homeschool them?

MadMad said...

I grew up overseas, and I have to say, you are doing a wonderful thing for them - even aside from the fact you are doing the most important thing of all: having them be with their father. Your kids are going to have experiences and knowledge that is beyond what they would ever get here; you'll see!

Angela said...

Hey Jennifer!
I'm so excited for you & I admire your spirit. I get the same slack about us moving to Honduras next year, or even worse, that look (Your insane)but oh well, we must follow our heart. One thing I've said to some, My man has been in the states for 7 years, away from his family & home. Is it really fair for me to say, sorry you have to stay here with me & just forget home. NO, of course not, there's no place like home & EVERYONE needs to go home at some point. He's spent all this time here with me, now I can do the same for him. I fully expect you & your children will have such a great adventure & I can't wait to hear all about it!

TN girl/Olancho in 2009!