Sunday, December 16, 2007

An alternate universe.

Some days I swear I think I live in the twilight zone. For those of you who dont know, I was married before. My ex husband and I usually have a good relationship, and I consider him my friend. Well sort of. I am the type of person who will help you out if you need it, it doesn't matter who you are. And Lale hates that. He doesn't understand how if someone has hurt me or done me wrong, how I can just forget about it, and still help them out. He especially hates that I help out my ex husband.

Well let me give you a bit of background about my ex-husband and I. We met when we were 20, in the month of September. We got married in November the same year. Yeah I know. I fell for him, hard and fast.
Our relationship was very passionate. Not like that, get your mind out of the gutter, LOL. With us, when we fought, we fought with all we had. When we were getting along, we were best friends. We never did anything half-way. The problem was we were to young to know how to deal with out problems, and that eventually caused the relationship to end. Well that and I grew up, and he wasn't ready to yet. I still care very much for him, but not like that anymore.

Anyway, in 2005 he (my ex) got remarried. When he told me he was getting married, I told him to not make the same mistake as he did with me. Put her first, and not to worry about the beer and his friends. And it looked like he listened to me. He changed alot. Before he got married he didn't take Jordan very often on the weekends, and he spent all of his free time drinking. Once he got married he became a great dad to Jordan, pretty much stopped drinking, and just did a total 180. I never met his wife in person, but I have talked to her many many times on the phone, and we get along. I have helped them both out whenever they needed anything. Whenever he did drink though, he never forgot to call me and tell me how much he loved me, and how much he regrets losing me. I always blow it off, and ignore him. I have told him many times that he has a wife, and I have a husband, and our road came to a dead end, and when I tell him that, he backs off.

Here lately he has been working M-F from 6AM until midnight, but on his time off during the weekends he was never home. He has started going out again with his friends and drinking again. He must have forgotten my advice.

Well yesterday I needed him to sign a paper stating that he does indeed pay child support, so I met him at the bank, and because it was so cold, I gave him a ride back to his apartment. As he was getting out of the car he asked me for a kiss, and I told him to go kiss his wife. I *think* he was sort of playing, but I am not sure. He wasn't drunk, so who knows. Anyway, then last night he somehow figured out that my husband was now in Honduras, so he kept offering to come over and keep me company. Again he was denied. (and yes, this time he was drunk)

Jordan called him today after church to see how he was doing, since she didn't go over there this weekend, and talked to him for a few minutes. Then she handed me the phone. Here we go again, I thought. No he didn't want to talk to me to hit on me. Now it seems he needed my help. His wife has gotten fed up with him never being home, and anytime he was off to go out drinking and hanging with his friends, so she left him. Now he wants my help. He wanted me to call her and talk to her. While yes I have talked to her, and we got along, I somehow don't think me calling - his first wife - and trying to talk to her about why she left him, and try to convince her to go back to him would be the best thing for them. But would he listen to me? NOOOOO. He swears that she would talk to me. (ok, um, I know as a woman if my husbands ex-wife called me to try to get me to go back to him, that would really irritate me. No matter if we got along or not).
When I hung up with him, I really felt like I was in a totally different universe. One that doesn't make much sense.


Andrea said...

I can totally relate to that. What world do these men live in? Sounds like she should drop him like a bad habit. Somethings never change. Mine is still a kid.

suburbancorrespondent said...

It's weird, all right. Sometimes you wonder how you end up in such a weird situation, right?

onthegomom said...

Jennifer, you scare me! It's like we live in the same realm, just half way across the US. My ex story is damn near identical to yours. SERIOUSLY! My ex and I got married at 19 and 20, except we were friends for years in highschool but never dated. We only dated 6 months before we got married. We were married 5 years and have been divorced 13. There were a few bad years in getting adjusted to being divorced but mostly we have been very good friends. We talk everyday. He has been married and divorced twice since me. His 3rd wife left him earlier this year and he too asked me to call her and talk to her. I did it, it didn't help and I am still his sounding board, only now its all about him dating. The differences in the story: he doesn't drink, we don't hit on each other (thank god) - although we do love each other, in a best friend kind of way and he is a good father even without a wife. At least he didn't ask to come live with you, my ex asked to live in our basement at one point, thankfully that didn't work out. My husband does like my ex and doesn't mind at all we are friends. I think it is because we were divorced for so long before my current husband came in my life. Life can be so complicated!