Monday, December 31, 2007

Where have I been???

The other day I realized that I am not doing right by my kids right now. Here lately I have been not happy, and while I have been here physically for my kids, I haven't really been here mentally for them. I get up and do the minimum that needs to be done here at home and for the kids. But anything else, I really havent been here mentally.

I just wanted to be alone and left alone, and sit and stew in my unhappiness. I couldnt wait for bedtime, because then that meant I wouldnt have to pretend to be paying attention. Its all because right now, it has been a hard holiday for me, with my husband so far away, and not being able to talk to him that often, and having a new baby - and all the crazy hormone swings that go with it, and just everything else piled on top of it. And while I have the right to be sad and what not, it isnt my kids fault, and I don't have the right to take it out on them so to speak.

So now I am trying to pull myself out of this depression, I guess you would call it. So tomorrow is a new day and a new year. So I am giving myself tonight to still be sad and what not, and then tomorrow it has to stop. Its time to stop sulking and get on with life. Plus this month (January) is the beginning of the crazy time, and I need to get in the right mind set for it.

Although I am listening to my brother in law, who is a dj for a radio station where my husband is, and it is helping me smile through the tears :) (anyone who is interested, you can listen to estereo liberacion here)

Anyway, that is what has been going on with me, and why I haven't been online. I am working on my resolutions, and *hopefully* I will be posting them tomorrow. Lets see how well that works out, LOL seeing as how I have a post from Christmas that I have been *working* on since last Tuesday, so who knows, LOL.


Mom to 3 Little Flowers said...

((((((((HUGS))))))) to you!! You are stronger than you think! You should start your post everyday saying how many days to go until you are in Honduras. Changing that number every day will help you a lot!!

LaGringaMasBella said...

mom to 3 little flowers posted a really good idea. Maybe it would be a bit therapeutic to count down the days with each post. :) It surely couldn't hurt!

I really admire you holding down the fort with 7 lil ones. I have 2 and sometimes I feel like I'm neglecting them as well because I work two jobs. We'll not speak of the stress in the workplace that inevitably follows me where ever I go too.

It's okay to roll in misery from time to time, you deserve that right. Afterall it's not what you have but what you do with what you have that matters. Hugs and kisses go a long way when it comes to memories of mom.

Sometimes when I feel really bad and the kids are yelling "Mom" I just run after 'em, tackle 'em and hug 'em. It always opens up a conversation about them that puts a smile on my face.

Chin up, the holidays are over and hopefully normality is just around the corner once more. Trust me, I'm right there with ya! lol


Valarie said...

Hopefully you are feeling a little better a few days into the new year. I have been in a funk since my last baby was born. It has taken a lot out of me to fight the baby blues this time. Hang in there. Things will get better. And until then, feel free to unload on here...we all understand. :)

Jennie B said...

Hey Chickeedee. I am here for you if you need me! I totally understand your emotions and they are viable, you have such wonderful kids, let them help you find some laughter these days.

Chin up! Tax season is upon you! :) Then things will just FLY BY!


Damama T said...

I'm proud of you for recognizing that you are not up to par. It takes a lot of love and courage to pull out and not allow yourself to go to that dark place that is so peaceful while you are there.

Hang in there, sweetheart. Remember what the bible says: "And it came to pass... " It didn't say that it came to stay. ;0)

Peace, Blessings, and sunshine for your darkest times.

suburbancorrespondent said...

We all have times like that. I'm just coming out of one myself. The sweet thing is, the children are always waiting for you when you "come back." They are so forgiving.