30 days

30 days. Thats it. 30 days from right now I will be stacking my luggage out the front door, and saying good bye to this house. I wonder if I will be upset, or if I will be ok. I think I will be just fine. It helps that my mom isnt giving me a ride to the airport, but one of those airport limo/vans are instead. This day has been a long time in coming, and I can't wait. My new life.

I sit here and think about what my new life is going to be like, and how different it is going to be. I have an idea of what my life is going to be like, and I am going to post it here, so that later, I can come back and post what its really like and see how off I am.

Let me start with what my life is like now. Right now, I have an easy life, LOL. On days that I work, I get up, get the kids dressed and fed breakfast, take them to the babysitters, and work my 6-8 hours. Andre puts dinner in the oven (or I put it in the crockpot in the AM) before I get home. I get home, everyone eats dinner, gets a bath, and off to bed. I sit online for a bit then go to bed myself.

I sit here and think about what its going to be like in Honduras. It drives me crazy because I am a person that, while it seems like my life is chaos, I like order in my life. I like to have a schedule and everything - even if it is in my head. I know that in Honduras, clothes will be washed in the pila, by had. More than likely I will be washing clothes every day. I know that the cows have to be milked twice a day. Eggs have to be gathered. I have to get up early to make breakfast and lunch for Lale, so that he has comida when he goes arriba. (Ugh, and I am on of those that prefers to stay up late, and sleep late). Homechooling the kids has to be thrown in there somehwere as well. Dinner has to be made as well. Plus daily cleaning. I am sure my husband is going to want some ironing done, and I think I am going to have to teach the kids how to iron, because I don't iron. I think, in my almost 32 yrs of life, I may have ironed 5 times. Maybe. I hate to iron. Looking at this list, it doesnt look like there is much to do, but I seriously know that it is going to be crazy.

Plus the heat. I sooooo do not like the heat. So that will be another big adjustment. Although it used to be that in the middle of winter, I would be sitting in the house in a t-shirt and shorts, while everyone else is bundled into pants, socks, sweatshirts, and blankets. But after I had Levi, my whole body has changed. All winter long I wore socks in the house. And sweatpants. And sometimes two shirts. If you know me, you know that so is not me. Today it was almost 80 degrees, and I was wearing shorts, a tank top, and a hoodie. So maybe my body is saying it is ready for some Honduras heat, LOL.

As far as culture shock, I don't know how its going to affect me. I know that it will. I have done my research by reading about what has affected other people, and I think that in general I will be ok. But I don't know. The hardest thing for me is being so far away from my mom. She and I talk ALL the time. Seriously, we talk usually 5 times or more a day. That is going to be the hardest thing for me to give up. My friends, well I don't have many in real life friends that I talk to on a regular basis. Most of my friends are online, and I will be able to talk to them. Maybe not as often, but I can still talk to them. The only other person that I talk to usually on the phone is Gloria (my sister in law). But we talk usually once or twice a week if that. I am sure that I will talk to her when she calls her moms house. So no biggie there. I speak fluent Spanish, so that is a big plus for me. Most of my interactions are with people in Spanish, so I dont think that is going to bother me. I also look at this as an adventure, and a learning process. I hope that my outlook will help me adjust too. I also hope that I am able to help the kids adjust. Jordan shouldn't have a super hard time. She speaks Spanish ok, and makes friends real easy. Andre is going to have a harder time. He has a hard time with change in general, so this big of change is hard for him. And he has a hard time making friends too. And his Spanish isnt very good. I just hope that once we move, he will be ok. I know he can pick it up (the Spanish) and being immersed in it, its the best way to learn. The little kids, they are small enough, they can adapt without to much problems. Thats my hope anyway.

One thing I am sort of worried about is the change in culture. When my husband was here, we got along pretty well. I mean we are both stubborn, so we had our issues, but in general we were fine. We have similar thoughts on how the kids should be raised and all of that. But I have heard that once we get there, we may have some issues, because he is back in his culture, and he starts to see things as the right way. And to me they arent the right way. And because I am a very outspoken independant person, that too may cause some issues. His culture is all about machismo and appearances. The other week when I talked to him, I told him that I was worried about that, and that I hope he didnt expect me to change who I am, because I wont. I told him I understood about the difference in culture, and I can be a little bit quieter - well thats not right. Um I dont know how to say what I am trying to say. I guess I can keep some of the appearances up when out and about, but at home, I will still be who I am. Does that make sense? I reminded him that we are a couple. A pair. Equal. El no me manda, no yo a el. He laughed and said that in Honduras it is what he says that goes. But then he laughed and told me that he knows that I wont change, and that he doesnt want me to change. It calmed my fears some, but we will see once I get there what happens.

There are other things that I am going to have to work on as well. And it is going to be hard. With the exception of my sister in law Angie, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when I see something, or when someone is treating me rudely etc. And from what I understand, that is to be expected. Not just because I am a gringa, because they treat their own the same way. And I am not for injustice to anyone.

I dont know. I am in for a big change. I am ready for it. Thats all I know.