Twilight Zone...AKA Conversations with My Grandfather

When I talk to my brothers or my grandparents I swear I feel like I am in the twilight zone. At least my grandparents are old, and hard of hearing (that is an understatement for my grandfather - he is at least half deaf)... My brothers, who knows what their excuses are.
Here are some excerpts from conversations with my grandfather.

Background...they went to Florida to visit, and on impulse bought a condo, came home, sold all their possessions (the condo came with EVERYTHING) and decided to wait until the house sold. My poor grandparents in their house with no furniture nothing for 4+ months.

(words that are in between ** mean my thoughts, not what I said)

So Paw Paw, you bought a condo in Florida huh?

Yeah we bought a condo in Florida

It has everything in it?

Yeah it has everything in it.

I guess you are itching to move then.

What? Why would you ask me that. That is none of your business.

What is none of your business?

If I am in the nude or not. **In the nude??**

No Paw Paw. A-R-E Y-O-U I-T-C-H-I-N-G T-O M-O-V-E? You know to Florida.

No we aren't watching the news on Florida. Why what is happening?

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Background...When I was diagnosed with my crazy arthritis, I called to tell my grandmother about my arthritis issues in my feet, as she has a (different) crazy arthritis too. But she was on the cell phone with my Aunt, so I spoke with my grandfather. We were talking about I don't remember what and he asked me if I was watching this tv show.

No Paw Paw, I am not watching tv

There is this new show on. It has all of these pretty women on it carrying suitcases with money in it

Oh, you are talking about Deal or No Deal

No, it isn't called deal or no deal - it is called something else. It has these people who pick a suitcase, then the banker guy calls - I don't think it really is a banker though. They never show his face, just some shadow. Why wont they show his face? If he was a real banker he would show his face. But the banker tries to get the contestant to sell him his suitcase.

Yeah Paw Paw, it is called deal or no deal

No, that isnt the name, it is something else. I have never heard of Deal or No Deal. I don't even think that is a show.

then we talk for a few minutes

Oh wait, here is the commercial - it is called Deal or No Deal

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I have learned he hard way that when I call him on the phone, and he answers, I need to address him by saying Hey PAW PAW, so that he knows it is me - otherwise he thinks I am my mom, and listening in on those conversations is even funnier, as I think he knows who he is talking to, and he thinks he knows who he is talking to, and then as we are talking no one has a clue what the other one is talking about

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Background...When my father died, I went to the funeral home with m sisters to help pick out flowers for his casket. My father loved to go fishing, so my sisters decided to get his casket flowers to be in the shape of a fish - a bass to be exact. (can we say REDNECK) So I called my grandfather to tell him how funny/stupid that was.

Hey Paw Paw I just left the florist, you will never guess what my sisers have decided to get for the flowers that go on my fathers casket.

What did they choose?

They want to put a fish on there.

A what?

Yeah I know, isn't that stupid. How rednecky can you get?

Yeah I know they are rednecks, but what did they want to get put on there?

A fish paw paw, a fish.

WHAT?

FISH.......F......I.......S......H **here we go**

WHAT? I can't hear that last word

You know - what you find in the lake and the ocean. Ok, here, I will spell it for you. F- you know as in Frank (the name of my brother in law, Connie's husband)

Frank? I know he is going to be there with Connie right?

No Paw Paw F as in Frank. The first letter in Franks name - write that down.

Oh. F - is that what you said?

Yes Paw Paw, F. Then I.......as in igloo

I??

Yes, I. Then S.......as in Sam

S?? (actually we had problems with that one too, but can't remember what was said about it Then H........... as in ham.

Ham? You all are going to have ham there? I like ham.

No Paw Paw, well maybe there will be ham, but that is not what we were talking about. Remember I am giving you the first letter to spell the word.

What word?? **AWWW Hell**

Is grandma there paw paw? Hello? Grandma, can you tell him that the word is fish. I was trying to explain that my sisters are getting fowers in the shape of a fish, standing on its side, with its tail flipped to put on my fathers casket.

A Fish?

Yeah grandma, just tell him Fish

Hey Hun.. SHE SAID FISH YOU IDIOT......FISH